How I Found My Surrogate Family, and Strength, in a Most Unlikely Place

One day, years ago, my mom convinced me to go to water aerobics at Seven Peaks Water Park. I was eighteen. She was sixty. She said it would be a good idea. She said I would love it. She said she heard the point guard of the basketball team was going to be there.

So I went.

It was me, ten other ladies all over sixty, and yes, the point guard of the university basketball team. He’d injured his knee and the doctor recommended water aerobics.

I said: Hey.

He said: Hey.

And then I never saw him again.

Despite his absence, I kept going to water aerobics.

We ran against the current in the lazy river. We did sit-ups in the kiddie pool. We practiced frog kicks in the deep end, and I’m not going to lie, I got in the best shape of my life. I’m also not going to lie, I had the best time of my life.

Cynthia, who was eighty, told us how hot dogs were made (I was horrified). Betty, an ER nurse, told us all about her son and his no-good girlfriend. Our instructor Amy (Speedo certified!) gave us a play-by-play of her last baby delivery.

I have never been so enlightened and so entertained and so surprised. In return, I found myself telling them about my body issues, my insecurities, my friend problems, and my fears.

It’s safe to say that going into my first year of college this little group of ladies, along with my mom, became some of the most supportive people in my life.

In my book You May Already Be a Winner, 12-year-old Olivia has a lot on her plate. She has to take care of her sister, make the meals, clean up the trailer, pay the HOA fees, and basically hold the family together while her mother works two jobs and is otherwise emotionally unavailable. In many ways, other than her sister Berkeley, Olivia is alone.

But not really.

Olivia and Berk live in a trailer court peppered with people, all kinds of people from all walks of life. Sydney Gunnerson, an opera singer from New York; Paul the MMA fighter; Carlene and Lala and their family who drive monster trucks; Delilah who works at the bakery and invites them over to watch “Cupcake Wars” and drink Coke. The people in Olivia and Berk’s neighborhood are really their family. They love them, they look out for them, and the girls do the same thing back.

I believe in surrogate families. I believe in finding unexpected friendships. I believe in loving and supporting people who maybe seem different from us but really are so much the same. I believe in finding kindness and joy at water aerobics and on trampolines and on front porches. I believe that we can survive grief and poverty and neglect and all kinds of things if we reach out to each other and love each other and become each other’s families.

When my mom died, my dad was devastated. I was devastated.

I said this to him: Let’s go to water aerobics.

And we did.