Picking the Right Books at the
Right Time

Several months ago, I introduced my son to Harry Potter. He was six. I was focused on wands and Quidditch. I was not thinking about murder or half-dead figures drinking unicorn blood. Although he eagerly listened to the book each night, my son refused to continue on with the series, saying it was too scary. He still occasionally worries about Voldemort and what will happen if his dad or I die. Looking back, I probably should have waited.

Choosing developmentally appropriate books for kids can be hard. Finding books that contain text children are capable of reading is relatively easy, because books are often labeled by age and reading level to help parents make exactly that determination. What’s harder, as I discovered, is figuring out what books a child is emotionally or cognitively ready to handle.

The problem, as Emily Rosenbaum — a writer with a doctorate in literature and a masters in education and the mother of three voracious readers — notes is “that kids develop at different speeds, both emotionally and cognitively” and a child’s chronological age doesn’t take into account individual experiences, maturity, or sensitivities.

This leaves parents struggling to steer children towards books that challenge or interest them, without exposing them to books that contain subject matter they aren’t ready to manage. I have a graduate degree in child and adolescent development and review hundreds of children’s books a year, and I still don’t always know what’s appropriate for my son (as evidenced by the whole Harry Potter debacle).

There are, however, things you can do.

1. Enlist the experts.
Take advantage of resources designed to help parents figure out what books might be appropriate for their children. Common Sense Media groups books by age and subject matter and offers short reviews that also rate books for violence, language, or “scariness.” The Children’s Book Review provides lists of titles that are popular with or recommended for kids of certain ages. Book reviews, like The New York Times Books section, often review a small number of children’s books. And don’t forget local librarians — they live to give recommendations.

2. Keep checking in.
Stay involved and engaged. If you’re reading aloud to your children, stop and ask them what they’re thinking. If your kids are reading independently, ask them what they’re reading and if there’s anything they don’t understand. Pick up their books and read them yourself. That way, you know exactly what they’re dealing with and can talk through issues if you, or they, have concerns.

3. Don’t follow the herd.
Remember that your child is an individual and you know her best. Your child may be able to handle scary content at a younger age than her friends, or vice versa. Set boundaries you’re comfortable with and stick to them.

4. Move on to the next book.
Give yourself, and your kids, permission to make mistakes. If you let your child read something that upsets him, talk about it and move on. Don’t berate yourself.

5. Remember that growing up is sometimes hard.
Finally, consider that your goal might not be to avoid everything that may make your children uncomfortable. Rather, it might be to prepare your kids so they can eventually handle difficult content on their own. I sobbed for hours when I read Where the Red Fern Grows in the fourth grade, but it forced me to consider loss and love and loyalty in ways I hadn’t before. If I had steered away from it, I would have missed something important.

As Rosenbaum says, “Literature — real, worthwhile literature — is challenging both cognitively and emotionally. I try to train my kids to handle that, because someday they will need to find books on their own.”