How Mama Got Her Groove Back — Through Books
by Laura Lambert
As any parent knows, when you’re in mom (or dad!)-mode, it’s all too easy to lose yourself in the tasks at hand. Who am I again, when I’m not packing lunches/wiping butts/doing laundry? And all you have is those precious moments between the last kid asleep and your own bedtime to figure it out. For me, TV pulls me further out of myself — a distraction and escape, yes, but not the right kind. But a book! Fifteen minutes with the right book can get me grounded again.
I asked some fellow parents what they read to reinvigorate, fill the soul, or just pull them slightly up and out of the weeds of parenting. Not surprisingly, the answers are all over the map — but that’s telling, and perhaps inspiring, all the same.
The Lives of Others
For a lot of us, it’s memoir or biography — jumping into the lives of other people, and using their stories to better understand our own. Shannon Peavey, a mother of 4-year-old twins in Los Altos, CA, seeks out biographies of interesting women — Katharine Graham, Diane Arbus, Zelda Fitzgerald. “I like to read about people who seem to have a charmed and enchanted life but you know they had challenges just like everyone else,” she says. “For me, it’s losing myself in another world and set of circumstances yet finding that people are all still operating on the level, in a sense.”
Or, as Amanda Cooper, a mom of one in Alameda, CA, put it, finding “the common challenges with uncommon people.” Think Amy Poehler and Tina Fey’s books, or the well-loved My Struggle by Karl Ove Knausgaard.
The Easy Stuff
Another camp goes straight for grab-n-go paperbacks. “I want something easy and quick, like Sue Grafton or John Grisham,” says Holly Harding, a mother of two in Chico, CA. “The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series for a sweet escape,” says Jennifer Manley, a photographer and mother of one in Studio City, CA, who balances breezy reads with classics, like Pride and Prejudice.
Other Worlds, Other People
For a lot of moms, it’s about delving completely into a world that has nothing at all to do with motherhood or marriage or domesticity. “I want to be sucked into a world I didn’t know existed — whether it be fantastic, psychological, post-apocalyptic … whatever. I want to feel wrapped up in another existence,” says Catherine Off, a university professor and mother of two in Montana.
Kate Wojogbe, a mother of two in Highland Park, CA, agrees. She just finished Deep Down Dark, about the men trapped in a mine in Chile. “As long as it is about something totally different than the things that are draining me.”
Mom of two and YA author Iva-Marie Palmer says, “Right now, I’m reading Sheila Heti’s How Should a Person Be?, which is written from the perspective of such a young, child-free woman’s existence that it puts me in touch with some kind of previous version of myself, which somehow makes me feel like the full me.”
Spirituality and Social Justice
Sometimes, it’s less about escape and more about digging deep. In which case, there are the intentionally spiritual tomes — Buddhist nun and teacher Pema Chodron’s 2000 book, When Things Fall Apart being a common choice.
One of the few fathers who weighed in cited books with a certain weight to them. “Historical and social justice books help to light a fire and remind me that my own legacy is in the balance as I engage with the world,” says Robert Williams, father to three boys, age four to eighteen, in Winnetka, CA.
Short ‘n Sweet
For a lot of parents, it’s less about topic and simply about length. Sarah Wright-Killinger, mother of two, including a newborn, finds solace in the three-month-old New Yorker. Ten thousand word New Yorker features aside, the snackable nature of the magazine holds a lot of allure. “Sometimes bite-sized but interesting stuff — think the Harpers Index, or [New York magazine’s] Approval Matrix — can make me feel connected to the world and give me food for thought without asking too much or taking too much time,” says Killinger.
Marian Bell, a mother of two in Los Angeles, loved Contents May Have Shifted by Pam Houston, which she dubs “good for mommy-brain” as it’s told in short vignettes. “So accessible, but not fluff.”
A Little Bit of Everything
For the true literary omnivore, the answer is d) all of the above. Michelle Filleul, a librarian and mother of one in Boston, MA, puts it succinctly. “Any book.”
And me? I find myself re-reading bits of Tiny Beautiful Things, because Cheryl Strayed is the friend we all need when we’re confused or blue. And right now, it’s Meghan Daum’s latest book of essays, The Unspeakable, because she articulates feelings I’ve had in ways I only wish I could. That flash of recognition, that understanding, is all I need to feel myself again. It’s me, my book, and I.
Starved for good reads but pressed for time? Check out Squeeze Reads: Great Books for the Time-Crunched.