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You Deserve a Vacation, Too: What to Do If Your Kid Is a Terrible Traveler

by Elaine Rose Glickman

Photo credit: Hill Creek Pictures, UpperCut Images/Getty Images

The following is an excerpt from Your Kid’s a Brat and It’s All Your Fault: Nip the Attitude in the Bud — from Toddler to Tween by Elaine Rose Glickman.

A family vacation sounds so idyllic, until you realize that the people accompanying you on this adventure are, in fact, the same family you have at home. The disappointing revelations continue as your kid evinces no more enthusiasm for packing his own suitcase than he does for locating his arm pads before lacrosse practice, and eagerly points out as many shortcomings in your out-of-town accommodations as he does at the old homestead. By day three (two? one?), you are wondering how many massages it will take to get you over this getaway, and not-entirely-just-for-fun Googling “adults-only resort properties,” while your scowling kid helps himself to another waffle at the breakfast buffet (all part of the meal plan!) and demands to know if he is going to have any fun today.

Okay. Let’s rewind and try this whole thing again.

It is actually possible to take a fantastic family trip — and if you are lucky enough to have the time and the resources to travel with your kid, you totally should. However, you should read this first.

Before you do anything — anything! — repeat these words to yourself: “I am the parent, and I get to decide.” Yes, I’m talking to you — say it! Say it over and over, forcing conviction and confidence into your voice, until you really, honestly believe these words and are prepared to act accordingly. Why? Because these words are the secret to your success. Along with fuzzy slippers from home and a white-noise app on your smartphone, they are your greatest tool in ensuring a genuinely enjoyable family vacation — a vacation in which you get to be an active and happy participant rather than a cranky chaperone, a faux-cheerful camp counselor, or an overworked, unappreciated tour guide.

Because here is secret-to-success number two: You deserve a vacation, too. Somewhere along the line, “family vacation” became synonymous with “going someplace your kid wants to go,” and that, my friend, is just wrong. If you are flexible and would like to include your kid in some aspects of planning the vacation, that is great — you will make him feel like a part of the process, convey the sense that you are in this together, and get all of you excited about sharing an adventure.

Of course, choosing your destination is only the beginning. There is still the not-inconsiderable matter of packing up the stuff you’ll need, a task that is not only a complete pain in the butt but also far above your kid’s skill set — so by all means, have your kid veg out in front of “Dog with a Blog” while you take care of it for him. Wait, wait, I’m kidding! Seriously, turn off the TV and work with your kid to create a packing list. Talk with him about how long you’ll be away, what activities you’ll be doing, what the weather will be like; and help him figure out what outfits he’ll want, if he needs a jacket, that kind of stuff. Yes, he might get annoyed or wish you’d just take care of packing for him — but if you approach him as a partner in the trip and really let him make some decisions for himself, he might also surprise you by jumping on board and taking some responsibility.

Please remember that your kid is no longer a helpless infant who requires 80 pounds of equipment for every outing, but a growing and able-bodied person more than capable of doing a little schlepping of his own. Have you seen the three kids dragging humongous duffels through the airport and only occasionally wondering aloud why Mom is carrying nothing more than her laptop and backpack? Those are mine, and they are awesome. I highly recommend you initiate this practice in your own family travels.

What used to be the most challenging/miserable (choose your adjective!) part of traveling has, of course, been rendered completely innocuous with the advances of technology. Yes, flights and car trips are a great time to zone out on games and movies — but they are also a great time to bond by reading a new book aloud; playing goofy games like I Spy, Geography, or 20 Questions; looking for state license plates on passing cars or the letters of the alphabet on signs and buildings; marveling over the crazy stuff for sale in the SkyMall catalog; or just daydreaming, chilling out, and talking about the coming trip. Yes, you miss a lot of angst by securing a handheld device or a DVD player for each kid — but you also miss some potentially very nice moments. (And if you like the idea of unplugging during part of a long car trip but your kids are too cranky and ootsy for sweet-family-bonding type activities, consider more subversive options like crushing stuff in the automatic window, looking for the most inappropriate billboard, and — this last one is from my friend Heather, it’s too horrible for me to contemplate but maybe you’ll like it — Roadkill Bingo, which is played exactly as you are imagining.)

And when you finally arrive at your destination, welcome! I am going to offer one final recommendation:

Assume that things are going to go wrong, and that it is okay. There is really no such thing as a perfect vacation — and if you pressure yourself to have one, you are going to be too stressed and miserable to enjoy what is probably a very nice getaway. Don’t beat yourself up if you feel cranky one day, or feel guilty for taking your kid on an outing when he’s made it quite clear he’d rather sit in the hotel room with your phone, or freak out if the beach is closed one morning due to shark sightings (well, maybe then). You have no idea how these setbacks will play out, or how they will be remembered by your kid.

I will share that the most horrible trip our family ever took was to New Orleans, which I understand is a very nice city that you should definitely visit, but perhaps not with young children during March Madness in a Bourbon Street-area hotel. Anyway, for all of the complaining, whining, and grumbling I heard from my kids that weekend, the experience has become one of our most cherished memories. “Remember how we thought that guy lying in the street in front of our hotel was dead?” my son will ask. “And then he finally got up and started drinking again? That was amazing.” So really, you never know.

 

Adapted with permission from Your Kid’s a Brat and It’s All Your Fault:  Nip the Attitude in the Bud — From Toddler to Tween by Elaine Rose Glickman. © 2016 by Elaine Rose Glickman. TarcherPerigee, an imprint of Penguin Group, Penguin Random House LLC.