Minding Our Manners: A Quirky Q&A with Delia Ephron

Delia Ephron is a screenwriter, playwright, bestselling author, and member of the inimitable and hilarious Ephron clan. In addition to her novel The Lion Is In and essay collection Sister Mother Husband Dog (Etc.), she also wrote the screenplays for “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” and “You’ve Got Mail.” We got the chance to ask Delia some questions about her very funny manners book for children, Do I Have to Say Hello? Aunt Delia’s Manners Quiz for Kids and Their Grown-ups, which just got an update, about how best to keep kids in line during the holidays, and what projects she’s working on now. Read on!

What inspired you to write a book about manners?

I went to pick my nephew up at the airport and the first thing he said — the first thing — was “Take me to the baseball card store.” So on the way home in the car I invented the manners quiz. Your aunt comes to pick you up at the airport. Do you say, “Hi, Aunt Delia” and give her a big hug? Do you say, “Take me to the baseball card store”? Do you burp?

I had him in hysterics by the time we were home, inventing all sorts of different manners questions with crazy answers.

By the way, he has gorgeous manners now and I take full credit.

The book was originally published in 1991. What needed updating in this new edition?

So much has changed. I put in a chapter on Soccer Manners. If you’ve ever been to a kids’ soccer match, you know parents and kids both need this. I cut a Phone Manners chapter. Children don’t need to learn to answer the family phone. I put in Video Game Manners, and Respect Yourself Manners. Oh yes, a lot of language was out of date. “Mucus” became “snot.”

What’s the worst-mannered thing you did as a child?

Ha. I think you’d have to ask my mom.

How do you hope kids will react to a book that highlights bad habits?

My main thing is to make kids laugh. They love to pick all the wrong answers and that makes me happy. Of course secretly they know what the real answer is. It’s a sneaky book.

Any advice for wrangling kids during holiday gatherings?

Chill, I think. Everyone gets really stressed. And don’t get upset if your child cries because the mashed potatoes are touching the turkey. Read them Do I Have to Say Hello? — there’s a Holiday chapter and everyone will be laughing.

What book do you always give as a gift?

I always try to pick a book that matches the person, so not one in particular.

What project(s) are you working on next?

I always have a ton of stuff going on. I’m writing a pilot for a Showtime series. It’s called “36-24-36” and it’s a comedy about the first African American model on a game show.

Delia Ephron is a bestselling author and screenwriter. Her movies include “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” “You’ve Got Mail,” “Hanging Up” (based on her novel), and “Michael.” She has written novels for adults and teenagers, including her most recent, The Lion Is In; books of humor, including How to Eat Like a Child; and essays. Her journalism has appeared in The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Vogue, Vanity Fair, and More. Her hit play “Love, Loss, and What I Wore” (cowritten with Nora Ephron) ran for more than two years off-Broadway and has been performed all over the world, including in Paris, Rio, and Sydney. She lives in New York City.